Foldin' Money Origami
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life
The Velvet Underground - "Heroin" - The Velvet Underground and Nico - 1967
As a 5th grader, devouring a Playboy magazine Reagan had given me 'cuz Neila made him dump his large erotica stash, I saw a feature on the folding of a dollar into their trademark bunny head. I found that awesome, and the next week I paid for my school lunches and the weekly foray to my beloved Paperbacks Plus used book store all with legal, tender bunny heads. The cool hippie dude behind the PP counter, who I knew well, thought that was killer, declaring me the most badass kid he'd ever known.
It would seem The Flozberks picked up that wholesome habit of folding foldin' money, but with much bigger bills.
In just over a year, Dem Flozzters lit up Dad's credit cards for over $15,000 in cash advances, small ones on Discover and big ones on Chase, despite strongly appearing to have all their bills and living expenses paid by that same Chase Visa.
As we went over his statements, done every month, Dad and I wallowed in speculation and wonder. How could they routinely spend four digits a week on the cards and still have such a consistent, insatiable need for cold, hard cash?
Was it those Mexican ice cream carts that didn't take plastic money? Child-run lemonade stands? Back alley dice games? Prostitutes for poor Reagan? Narcotics for their thirty-something, never-employed, unfit to even keep a dope dealin' gig rollin' failson Ryan? Craft fodder? Generosity to our many street corner bums?
When people gotta have CASH these days, the reasons tend to be pretty limited:
1. Druggin'.
2. Gamblin'.
3. Whorin'.
4. Foldin' money origami.
Occam's Razor states that the simplest solution tends to be the most likely.
Obviously, the most rational, simple solution here is that The Flozberks made over fifteen thousand dollars worth of foldin' money origami. Once one creates a work, it's hard to destroy such beauty. Plus, those crisp, new bank bills get all creased after the first engagement, making a steady supply of fresh paper critical.
I can't say how relieved I am that Dad's VERY hard-earned money wasn't putting dope in Ryan's arm - that would have pissed me off something awful. As Emperor Hirohito was known to often say:
Foldin' money origami rules, rolling the hell outta a blind old man for a colossal arrogant loser's dope money drools.
View itemized documentation of the cash advances on Ryan's horrific The BiggERest LosERer video. For those unable to endure the entire brutal thing, that part starts at the 5:28 mark.