Deepest Fears, Biggest Regrets
Another day on Earth has passed me by
But I have lost all faith in what's outside
Steven Wilson - "Home Invasion/Regret #9" - Hand. Cannot. Erase - 2015
In the last 7 months of Dad's life, we did an especially vast amount of of talking and I started documenting things, a process that greatly accelerated in the final weeks of his life.
In one session, I asked him to consider what his deepest fears and biggest regrets were, then we'd discuss it a couple hours later after dinner. His answers didn't surprise me.
1. His biggest fear was that The Flozberks were going to screw me on our house. As you may have noticed, that is exactly what Neila has done.
2. His next biggest fear was of ending up living with Neila. Having to listen to her voice, her choices of entertainment, and her explosively yappy dogs until death, completely under her control, scared Dad shitless, and for damn good reason. I swore it would never happen so long as I or Lisa were alive and functional.
3. Third we have Tasha being forced to suffer to death like those before her. He was adamant that so cruel a fate not befall her. The astoundingly daft and tone-deaf Flozberks tried to thwart that, but I wasn't gonna let it happen. No fucking way.
Now, for regrets. Dad didn't do bad things, so acts of omission, not comission were expected:
1. His biggest regret, by far, was getting mixed up in The Incident, the legal battle between Neila and John over Aydin that shitcanned the end of Mom and Dad's lives. Dad told me that often, especially after it escalated, it just seemed like he was sleepwalking through it. Well, DUH - they had him drugged .
2. Right behind it was failing to help us when Lisa got hurt. He said a big reason for that was the chaos erupting with The Incident smothered everything and had Mom very upset and on the defensive.
3. Allowing desperate, parasitic, secretive Neila to herd him into selling all his securities and putting the money in an account under her control, depriving him of the large majority of his income.
Might you notice a common thread woven through these six things?