Ryan: A textbook douchebag

I liked Ryan, The Original Affluenza Teen (TOAT, pronounced "twat"). From his early childhood to well into his pathetic version of adulthood, we got along plenty fine.

Problem is, he's both The BiggeERst LosERer I've ever known and a TFDb - total fucking douchebag. I'm sure some would vehemently claim otherwise and insist he's a great guy who just got off track, but, no. He was a loser and TFDb well before his already-lost existence crashed and burned in absolutely EPIC, interestingly conspicuous fashion over the last few years.

Ryan is a barren-hearted, feckless drug addict past age 40. As a longtime rock and roll outlaw, I've known more than my share of human flotsam, but Ryan takes the gold metal and then some. It's miraculous that this walking monument to parental failure has somehow, unlike his kindasorta-kindred-spirit Ethan Couch, skirted killing or paralyzing the innocent.

My investigation into this longtime heroin dealer, though, indicates that he's been party to a cardiac arrest or three among his junkie fellows.

Little TOAT
Ryan seemed a pretty happy child who loved to laugh and was an OK little fellow save for some very disturbing meltdowns, grossly disproportionate to the situation, when corrected or disappointed. To this day I've not seen equivalent behavior in other children.

They said he had big health problems, but he seemed OK to me. I recall something about tubes in his ears and fears he was having a heart attack that reek of panic disorder. There was lots of talk, but I don't think I ever heard the name of an actual diagnosed medical condition and he outright admitted to me, quite pleased with himself, that he overplayed and used his sick role to manipulate his family and foster his chosen lifestyle.

The overindulgence in which he wallowed was striking, described by one frequent visitor as somewhat reminiscent of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.

Manna Overboard!
Obviously, the rational answer to his woes was a daily regimen of a costly, church-based, multi-level marketed magic elixir nutritional supplement derived from plant sugars. And, if that doesn't bring things 'round, well, simply give him MORE. It clearly had Jesus' seal of approval, so, I mean, what could go wrong, right?

Let us backtrack:

In the late 1980's, one Sam Caster got in the business of selling the cleverly-named Electracat, a totally kick-ass technological wonder that repelled an astounding variety of pests - from rats to ticks and much more - via pulsed vibrations.

One problem, though - it actually emitted nothing and repelled precisely same. Enter the state Attorney General. 'Nuff said.

Caster moved on to his next adventure and in 1993 founded even-more-cleverly-named Mannatech. Since then they've sold the shit out of their nutritional supplements and had more run-ins with the state AG. They remain in business, many swear by them, and I've been unable to find a credible account of anyone being harmed by their products.

Rafael Cruz, father of Senator Rafael "Lyin' Ted" Cruz (R) TX, became one of their top salesmen after the company he owned collapsed in bankruptcy. 2016 presidential hopeful and Trump HUD Secretary Ben Carson also was involved...or wasn't involved...or was involved...or wasn't involved with Mannatech depending on which part of this exchange from a 2015 debate one is reading:

Q: There’s a company called Mannatech, a maker of nutritional supplements, with which you had a ten-year relationship. They offered claims that they could cure autism and cancer. They paid $7 million to settle a deceptive-marketing lawsuit in Texas and yet your involvement continued. Why?”

A: Well, it’s easy to answer. I didn’t have an involvement with them. That is total propaganda and this is what happens in our society. Total propaganda. I did a couple of speeches for them. I did speeches for other people, they were paid speeches. It is absolutely absurd to say that I had any kind of relationship with them. Do I take the product? Yes, I think it’s a good product.

The Flozberks fed a whole bunch of costly Mannatech stuff to the lad.

Much later, in 2004, Neila insisted he was not just harmed, but ravaged by it, and launched a years-long lawsuit heaving massive effort and resources down the crapper while hobbling more worthy pursuits. She was adamant and unequivocal in insisting that victory and MASSIVE compensation were right around the corner.

Yeah...sure. Nothing came of it.

After those years of yappin' she suddenly got all quiet...until the next epic, life-trashing legal battle with her “twin” took form. Those legal quagmires robbed them of time better spent on improving their family and the results were predictably disastrous.

That kicked off a long period, still rolling, of conflict and serial civil and criminal legal entanglements involving Neila, Reagan, and Ryan having problems with, seemingly, pretty much everyone.

The Antisocial Contract
Ryan got an early start in the dope biz, already a mover before even being old enough to drive. By his late teens, he was already quite troubled, and it was heavily downhill from there.

His first major run-in with the law I know of, 2002, was impressive. Despite never having achieved anything substantial and not even really going to school for a good stretch of his late teens, his parents got him a ruthlessly wicked, souped-up Shelby Mustang or some such shit.

In quite short order, he:

- Plunged it into a house on the flagship boulevard in our nice neighborhood.
- Exited the wrecked car inside a stranger's living room.
- Fled on foot, eliciting a police chase with a whirlybird an' everthang.
- Got caught.
- Behaved so poorly toward the jail staff that he got an elevator shoe-beatin'.

He got a DWI, plea bargained on the mayhem he caused, and somehow managed to successfully complete probation. I'm not sure how long the rocket buggy lasted, but I never saw it or even a photo of it. In fact, I didn't even hear of it until long after it was swallowed by the unfortunate strangers house.

Big TOAT
Innyhoo, Ryan spent from 1999 to 2017 getting fucked up, selling dope, astonishingly hitching his wagon to one unsuspecting hot chick after another, playing with his phone, and watching TV. I'm not aware of him ever clocking into a job or even filling out a W-2 form. It was said he dealt in used cars, but little seems to have come of it.

Amid that illustrious stretch I had to follow Ryan on the road a couple times and he drove like a douchebag, then doubled down when I called him out on it.

Epic TOAT
No turn signals EVER. None. Not even once.

Constantly using his phone and swerving from his lane. He blocked every crosswalk at every red light. It was like following an incompetent elderly driver exceptin' fer that he drove briskly and tended to have felony contraband on him.

How he avoided prison for so long remains a marvel.

When I told him how bad his driving was and how many strangers he needlessly inconvenienced, his reply was simply to laugh and declare, “Fuck them.”

About the lovely young mother pushing a stroller he forced into traffic by blocking the crosswalk, he could only answer, “Fuck that bitch. What did she ever do for me?”

And that was only after I made him actually aware of her – buried in his phone, he was largely oblivious to his surroundings and held up the works at every stoplight. The combined annoyance and risk I saw him inflict upon literally dozens of our fellows in a quite short time was remarkable. His lifetime score of negativity against society is staggering.

I gently and pleadingly asked him if that's really how he wanted to comport himself. Yes, indeed it was, and very much so. How strange for someone to be so set against his world after a life so filled with cushy indulgence.

I was stricken and saddened by the sheer arrogance and lack of empathy in this man-child who knew and had accomplished so painfully little. This was not a foolish 14 year old trying to act callous and hard. We're talking a guy approaching 30, raised in affluent neighborhood by often-nice, yet tragically flawed ultra-enabler parents that destroyed him.

The last time I interacted with him was at Princess Corn Log's baby shower, held at the luxury apartments where he lived. Short of 3 months later, on New Year's Eve 2017, he was actin' the fool in a gas station parking lot and was arrested with a large amount of heroin, pills, syringes, scales, cash, and a loaded handgun.

WTF? This is just...wow. You Have Derailed
In October 2019, a member of my staff called me with news that Ryan was wandering about the area making videos and behaving erratically. Indeed, he was. It became a habit, sometimes with poor Reagan following him.

He openly posted a barrage of vids of him doing dope and acting like a nut. In some he is stunningly abusive to his parents. As I seem to keep saying with The Flozberks, I ain't quite never done seen nothin' like it before, but still, it was clearly the same entitled, arrogant punk I knew, only zazzed up and whacked out some.

The first degree felony nightmare got whittled down to several years of probation thanks to a bunch of expensive lawyerin', but immediately he got arrested again in a stolen car with more dope.

Dang! During all this, an assumed bunch of assumed dirtbags used his body, including his damn face, as a damn Etch-a-Sketch. When I first saw it, my jaw and stomach hit the floor. Again and again, being part of this family in any capacity leaves one feeling as if they were just kicked in the gut.

Now Ryan dances with the system and competency issues as a whole heap o' felonies dangle over him. I wish him well, but find such an outcome unlikely.

There's much, much more about this guy that's worth reading, but he's not of great significance to the primary concerns here. He is, however, one of many stark testimonials to the disasters that far too often occur under Neila's watch.

One wonders if Neila is still blaming Mannatech.

Update
Ryan continues to derail. See Appendices

Watch Ryan's music video "The BiggERest LosERer" HERE

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